What's on the inside?

Well, I did it. I finished off half a bag of peanut butter m&m's after having corn bread with honey butter for breakfast and before having Ramen noodles for lunch! I think date night tonight may involve a trip to find some pants in a bigger size...'cause I'm beginning to run out of options.
Why does it have to be so hard? I don't expect to be able to eat crap all day and look like a super model, but do I have to eat carrots and celery and drink nothing but water and exercise 2 hours a day to not have a muffin front? (I guess it's a good thing, I don't really have love handles...but I'm sure they could be arranged!) I don't usually eat like I did today, sometimes it's worse, usually it's better, but I just want to be normal! I don't want to obsess about food and my body and what I'm going to wear.
I didn't go to our stake humanitarian project last night for a myriad of reasons, but at the top of the list was this: It was cold...even for California. The pants I was wearing were capris, which means you can really only wear sandals or slip ons without socks... no way! Besides, Kelly called them "Billy Ocean Pants" last night, as in 'painted on jeans,' so obviously I'm rethinking my decision to have worn them out of the house already. I had zero desire to go stand in my closet, stare blankly into space and hope (yet again) that something will magically appear for me to wear. I know what's in there...I see it every day, and it sees me every day...we kind of have a stand off going on. Am I going to lose weight or are they going to D.I.?
I am not trying to complain, there are a lot of problems people have out there and on the scale (ha ha) of things, this isn't a crisis- I am blessed beyond compare. But s.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y, seriously! We are taught that our bodies shouldn't be our focus, and I agree, but while mine is clearly not my focus, I sure spend a lot of time thinking about it. I believe it's what's inside that counts the most...but when what's on the inside starts showing up on the outside.... whoa!
I'm kind of an all or nothing type of girl...I am either a clean freak, or my house is in shambles for a week or two. I either read my scriptures daily or I don't know where they are. I either hit the gym 5 to 6 days a week and throw away every bit of unhealthy food, or...NOT. I am trying to work on 'moderation in all things', an inspired idea...but it's hard when you're programmed to be 'all or nothing.' Thus, my on-going debate: I really love food and I love to eat. It makes me happy...not in a creepy, childhood trauma, "food is the only thing that loved me" kind of way, just in a "dang, that pasta is off the chain!" - kind of way. Take my Ramen noodles...reminds me of my Grammy. I ate them religiously at her house (and Vienna sausage). She would bring them to me when I stayed home from school, "sick." One time she brought me some and I fixed them after she left. Sadly, they were from her food storage and were full of weevil. To this day it remains one of the most disappointing moments in my life (told you I led a blessed life). I almost tried to eat it, but I couldn't do it. I know they're not good for me...but they're good! Chocolate cake is good, cheesecake, steak, sour cream, butter and ice cream, it's all good, and I'm never, never going to not eat some of it. I guess I just don't need to eat ALL of it.

Lessons I've learned on my way to Taos...

#1 - When taking your dinosaur laptop that weighs about 10 pounds on a trip, don't trash your husbands rolling laptop case on insist on buying the more chic "over-the-shoulder" case! You will end up with a pulled shoulder muscle and a bruised hip bone where the computer kept slamming against you as you cross an entire airport to catch a connecting flight. You will realize that all the other people pulling their laptops along look pretty chic, while you look pretty stupid!
#2- Wear socks on the airplane! Yeah, sure, flip flops are much easier when it comes to getting through security, but the plane is COLD!
#3- When you choose your own seat, make sure to NOT choose the one right in front of the exit row...they don't recline!
#4- When you land in Albequrque, RENT A CAR! Yes, it sounds nice to let someone else drive the shuttle for 2 hours while you sleep...however, there is only ONE choice when it comes to a shuttle to Taos...and they know it. The shuttle was 2 hours late and had NO air conditioning. The driver (who did have a Bill Murray in 'What About Bob?' kind of charm, right down to the swim trunks, sandals andt-shirt!) didn't inform us of the 2 hour delay or lack of AC until after we paid...and NO REFUNDS!! He did tell us we'd received a discount, but strangely the price I paid is the same price listed on the internet. When I questioned him about this he walked away!! Hmmm...I see a call the BBB in their future, and I'm sure it will help! **sarcasm** The driver literally dropped one girl and her luggage off across the street from her hotel...she was just so glad to be out of the shuttle I'm not sure she cared. The lady who had had a stroke (before the trip!) did get curb side service, but since she struggled to breathe with the wind blowing in on her for 2 hours it was the least he could do! I was wondering why her family didn't pick her up from the airport...so...
#5- If I ever am partially paralyzed by a stroke, I will make sure my family PICKS ME UP from the airport and doesn't stick me on some rattle-trap of a shuttle for 2 hours!

Anyway, now I'm here foro the Taos Summer Writer's Conference and it's going to be awesome. We listened to Wally Lamb read last night and he was incredible! I loved every minute of it and learned so much and can't wait to start classes today. I'll keep ya posted!

Well, so much for the first round of agent-hunting! I'm not even that upset really, it just feels nice to feel like a real author now, what, with the rejection and everything! I've only sent it to one person and he didn't like it (or whatever) so I'll keep going. In the meantime I've written a different story and as much as I love the first, I'm thinking maybe the second is The Story! I just sent it to an agent last night (a different agent) and shall eagerly await his response...if there is one. The auto responder says if I haven't heard back in 4 weeks to assume they're going to pass. Wow! It's a strange new world out there!

Query's in the (E)mail!

I have officially done it!! I sent my first manuscript to an agent for query!! Aggghhh! It's only been a week and a half and he promises a 30 day turnaround, so we shall see. He also requests an exclusive which normally I wouldn't be thrilled about, but since I'm starting at the VERY top and I really want him as an agent, I'm willing to do the exclusive thing once. I told myself I wasn't going to check my email every day, but alas, I have...OF COURSE!! No news yet. I have entirely too many ideas running through this brain of mine, but it's better than the alternative. Whew!

Sit down and watch the show!

So why do they even go? These people who pay good money for concert tickets, sporting events and the theater, only to leave before they end?? If it's so important to be the first one out of the parking lot, how about just not entering it in the first place? I wanted to literally strangle a couple that climbed over me as I was watching the finale' of Wicked! Not only is it rude to the performers, it's also rude to those who have paid money to see the entire show! Recently my husband and I attended a Rascal Flatts concert in Irvine, California. It was a GREAT show! It was aptly named the 'Bob your head tour.' Guess when they sang 'Bob your head?'...for the ENCORE! So all of those numb-nuts that "excused me'd" through the last two songs missed the best part of the concert in my opinion. The entrance was a blast and the songs were a riot. Do me a favor people please...sit down and watch the show!
P.S. To my good Mormon friends, I really don't think it's okay to leave Stake or General Conference early!! Yikes!!